update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize