I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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