Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
