I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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