You're completely useless in the revolution.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
