Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
