and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
