i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
