Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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