I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
