Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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