i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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