so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
