dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
