Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
