Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
