I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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