Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
