Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize