We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's like heaven, but drunker
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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