3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
