we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Even my vagina gasped.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
