True but thats because hes a fetus.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
