once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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