i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
