im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
where am i from again
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
