I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
