isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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