these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
