I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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