I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
