Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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