So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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