i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
