It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
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Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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