Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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