new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
