I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
