I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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