U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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