I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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