I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i need an iv and a liver transplant
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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