I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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