then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
