Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
