phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
