Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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