Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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