I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
