I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
