you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
