you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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