Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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