i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
