I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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