So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
did i just pee glitter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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