The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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