She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
