Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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