So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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