Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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