yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
