those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dick very happy bro
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
