everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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