my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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