One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
