i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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