please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
