I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
