thus making me awesome and them whores
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
