Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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