That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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