I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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