This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
