The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
