last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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