What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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