you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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