Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
