Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
